It’s Okay If It’s Both
We hear it all the time: “Queer joy is revolutionary.” It’s a mantra, a rallying cry, and a reminder to ourselves that joy—when you’re part of a marginalized community—becomes an act of resistance. It’s true, of course. Joy in a world not made for you is defiance, but here’s the question: what happens when joy is hard to find? What do we do when we’re not thriving, but simply getting by?
It’s easy to feel like we should always be thriving. The narrative we’re often fed is one where queer life should be a celebration—an endless parade of glitter, love, and political wins. On social media, queer folks are depicted as icons of success, resilience, and happiness—flourishing in all aspects of life, from relationships to careers, to self-love and radical expression. And don’t get us wrong—those moments exist. They’re important, even necessary, especially in a society that often denies us happiness.
But here’s the thing: thriving has somehow become an expectation, and that’s a problem. As if we’re supposed to be always radiating joy and resilience, always glowing with pride, effortlessly navigating the hardships of life with grace and strength. We’ve been sold this image of queer success, but for many of us, that’s not the reality. Sometimes the best we can do is survive, and honestly, that’s more than enough. It has to be.
There’s no shame in survival. In fact, survival has been a fundamental part of our queer history. Let’s not forget: we didn’t get to where we are today by thriving all the time. We got here because we endured. We survived in times when survival itself was a radical act—whether it was resisting the pressures of the closet, fighting through the AIDS crisis, pushing back against systemic violence, or simply staying alive in a world that often denies us basic rights and recognition. Our queer ancestors didn’t always get to experience joy, but they kept going. They laid the groundwork, brick by brick, for a future they may not have lived to see. And that’s a legacy worth honouring.
Thriving will come, and when it does, let it be fierce. But until then, surviving is revolutionary, too.”
So, if today, this week, or this season, you’re not feeling like you’re thriving—if joy feels out of reach—it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It doesn’t mean you’re any less a part of this beautiful, revolutionary queer movement. It simply means you’re living in a world that isn’t designed for us to thrive every single day. And sometimes, just surviving is all you can do. Sometimes getting out of bed, making that coffee, or answering that one text is enough. That’s the everyday magic of survival—showing up, in whatever way you can.
Here’s the thing: we’re constantly bombarded with this relentless positivity narrative. You know the one—where every struggle is supposed to be a stepping stone to a better, more enlightened version of ourselves, where we’re always finding the silver lining, always learning from hardship. But sometimes hardship is just hardship. Sometimes surviving another day without falling apart is the accomplishment.
There’s a quiet, radical power in that. Showing up, even in your most exhausted, worn-out, depleted form, is still showing up. You’re still here. And that, in itself, is revolutionary.
Queer history is full of stories of survival, not just thriving. From the LGBTQ+ elders who weathered the darkest days of the AIDS epidemic, to those who stood against laws that criminalized their existence, to the countless trans women of colour who have been—and continue to be—the backbone of queer activism. Their survival wasn’t always joyful, and it wasn’t always visible or glamorous. But it was necessary, and it paved the way for all of us today.
That’s why survival itself is worth celebrating. It’s why getting through the day is as valuable as those moments of glitter-drenched euphoria we love to see during Pride month. In fact, it might be more valuable—because it’s in those quieter moments of just getting by that we lay the foundation for the times when we can truly thrive. Those moments of survival are what give us the space to find joy when we’re ready for it.
And make no mistake—joy will come. There will be days when the sun shines brighter, when the weight of the world feels a little lighter, and when you can stand tall, proud of the life you’ve built. But until then, give yourself the grace to just be. If thriving feels like too much right now, remember that surviving is still a radical act. You don’t owe the world your constant joy or resilience. You don’t need to be a beacon of strength every day.
Sometimes, surviving looks like turning off the news, logging out of social media, and spending the day in bed. Sometimes it looks like crying in the shower or eating cereal for dinner because it’s all you can manage. That’s okay. You’re allowed to take care of yourself, whatever that looks like.
So, this weekend, if all you’re doing is surviving, your friends at TML want you to know that’s enough. You’re enough. The revolution doesn’t rest on our shoulders being strong every single day. It rests on our ability to endure, to resist when we can, and to rest when we need to. Thriving will come, and when it does, let it be fierce. But until then, surviving is revolutionary, too.
You’re part of this movement, even if all you did today was make it through.
Our Bottom Line: Thriving is wonderful, but survival is just as revolutionary. Don’t feel pressured to always be at your best—getting by is enough, and it’s worth celebrating, too. – TML