In an era where individual mental health is finally getting its due respect, an increasing number of people—particularly young adults—are choosing to go “no contact” with family members, a term for cutting off communication altogether. This trend, once rare and highly stigmatized, is now moving into the mainstream, with advocates pushing to normalize family estrangement as a valid response to unhealthy or harmful relationships.
The motivations for going “no contact” are often complex and deeply personal. Kristina Scharp, a sociologist at Rutgers, defines estrangement as “intentional distancing,” typically resulting from an accumulation of unresolved grievances or traumatic incidents that often go unaddressed in family circles1. For many, this step is a last resort after years of conflict over differing values, unmet expectations, or, frequently, unaddressed trauma.
Faith, Family, and Falling Out: The Impact of Religious Trauma
The rising phenomenon of “exvangelicals” illustrates how religious trauma contributes to family estrangement. Individuals raised in conservative religious households may experience emotional and psychological harm due to strict doctrines, purity culture, or other repressive teachings. For LGBTQ+ individuals, who already face disproportionate levels of religious trauma, familial estrangement is often the unfortunate result of families prioritizing religious beliefs over relationships. Studies from the Religious Trauma Institute show how deeply held evangelical beliefs can lead families to reject, criticize, or even condemn their LGBTQ+ children, creating wounds that, for some, may never fully heal2 3.
Estrangement in these cases isn’t just about ideological differences; it’s about survival. Many LGBTQ+ people raised in religious settings report that distancing from family members is necessary to reclaim a sense of self, unlearn the internalized shame, and avoid the potential health issues linked to trauma, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidality4.
“No Contact” as a Form of Self-Care: Redefining Family Norms
Becca Bland, founder of Stand Alone, a UK-based organization supporting people affected by family estrangement, notes that society still generally promotes the idea that family must be preserved at all costs. However, new narratives are emerging, particularly in online forums where people who have gone “no contact” find a sense of community and validation. Estrangement advocates argue that it’s often healthier to leave behind toxic family dynamics and build a “chosen family”—friends or community members who provide the support blood relatives may not5 6.
The Struggle for Normalcy: Destigmatizing Estrangement
Despite its growing acceptance, family estrangement remains socially taboo, leaving those who choose this path to navigate a complicated emotional landscape. Unlike traditional grief, which society generally acknowledges and sympathizes with, estrangement is more ambiguous. People like Amy—a former evangelical who went “no contact” with her conservative family after repeated ideological clashes—share the experience of “destabilization” when facing family rejection or judgment. Such estrangement can feel like grief without closure, a sense of loss without sympathy7.
Psychologists and therapists have been instrumental in legitimizing the concept of “no contact,” working with clients to recognize the validity of their choice to walk away. Yet, as Yasmin Kerkez of Family Support Resources explains, many feel relief and empowerment from the decision, as breaking away can free individuals to explore healthier relationships without familial guilt8.
Building Bridges Beyond Blood
As the “no contact” movement gains traction, it challenges us to rethink traditional values around family loyalty. While this path isn’t for everyone, the choice to go “no contact” is increasingly viewed as a form of self-preservation and healing—a reminder that family, ultimately, should be where we find acceptance and support, not just a shared last name or bloodline.
This cultural shift offers an essential corrective to the idea that family must be preserved no matter the cost, underscoring the truth that chosen families can be every bit as fulfilling as those formed by blood. In a world where emotional well-being and mental health are rightly prioritized, the “no contact” trend is about survival, resilience, and the freedom to redefine family on one’s own terms.
- https://www.realclearreligion.org/2024/01/29/religious_trauma_still_haunts_millions_of_lgbtq_americans_1008043.html ↩︎
- https://www.vpm.org/npr-news/2024-02-09/study-finds-1-in-3-americans-suffer-religious-trauma-lgbtq-community-is-the-worst-affected ↩︎
- https://newrepublic.com/article/161772/can-religion-give-ptsd ↩︎
- https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-3-031-27711-5 ↩︎
- ref. 1. ↩︎
- https://columbiachronicle.com/im-no-different-than-anyone-else-lgbtq-christians-share-their-journeys-to-finding-acceptance ↩︎
- ref. 1. ↩︎
- ref. 2. ↩︎