You’re the one that defines your transness
There’s no checklist for being “Trans enough.” No one—not even other trans people—gets to police how you navigate your gender. Whether you use they/them, xe/xem, or no pronouns at all, whether you bind or don’t, take hormones, or opt for surgery—none of this makes you more or less valid in your trans identity. The only thing that matters is how you feel in your own skin. Your journey is about discovering what makes you feel whole, not about ticking off boxes of what society or anyone else thinks transness should look like. And anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is missing the point entirely.
We live in a world obsessed with rigid definitions and categories, but transness blows that apart—and it’s no wonder why. For centuries, gender has been cemented as part of our patriarchal bedrock that society is built on. Gender roles and stereotypes are baked into the very fabric of our culture, reinforced through everything from family structures to media representation to legal frameworks. We’ve been conditioned to believe that “man” and “woman” are static, binary categories that define not only who you are but how you should behave, what you should wear, and even how much space you’re allowed to take up in the world. These narrow, suffocating expectations are the foundation of the patriarchy, and transness is one of the strongest forces disrupting it.
Trans identities, by their very existence, challenge this outdated and untrue system of control. When you claim your gender, on your terms, you shatter the illusion that gender is fixed or predetermined. You reject the roles society has tried to assign to you since birth. And this terrifies people who rely on those roles to maintain their power. Patriarchy thrives on keeping people in their assigned lanes—man, woman, masculine, feminine—because it reinforces a social order where gender determines value and power. But trans people refuse to stay in those lanes. We refuse to accept that gender must follow some prescribed set of rules handed down by a system designed to control us.
Let’s be clear: no one is entitled to gatekeep your transness. Not the medical community, not society, and definitely not other trans people. Gatekeepers—whether they’re truscum who insist on a medicalized version of transness or TERFs who reject us outright—are obsessed with policing who gets to be “real.” Here’s the truth: the only difference between them is the width of an HRT prescription. Both fixate on controlling who’s “trans enough” through their narrow, rigid views. Truscum will tell you you’re not trans unless you medically transition. TERFs, on the other hand, will argue that anyone who claims trans identity is a threat to womanhood. Both are rooted in the same toxic impulse that we’re conditioned to default to: to force trans people into tiny, predetermined boxes.
But here’s the reality—none of that matters. You can pursue every medical option available, or none at all, and still be just as validly trans. It’s your identity, not theirs. Whether you take hormones, get surgery, or simply embrace a nonbinary identity without medical steps is nobody’s business but your own. Truscum and TERFs alike want to limit your transness, as if there’s a single way to be who you are. And that’s not only false—it’s dangerous. The truth is, your gender identity is valid the moment you claim it, whether or not you follow a traditional path of medical transition.
Your transness doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else—because it’s not for anyone else. The only person who gets to define your gender is you.”
It’s time to reject this toxic idea that you need to “earn” your transness through surgeries, hormones, or anyone else’s approval. Transness is about you—how you feel in your body, how you want to be seen, and how you choose to live. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else, because it’s not for anyone else. If changing your name, your pronouns, or your wardrobe makes you feel more like yourself, that’s enough. End of story. You don’t need to pass some kind of test or reach a certain milestone before you’re valid. You’re already valid, full stop.
And here’s something people need to hear more: your transness can be messy, contradictory, and evolving, and that’s completely okay. Gender is not a straight line. It doesn’t have to be a fixed destination, and it doesn’t have to follow a specific timeline. For some people, that might mean starting with small social changes, like switching pronouns or changing their name. For others, it could be about taking major steps with hormone therapy or surgery. There’s no hierarchy to transness, no “more real” or “less real” way to be trans. There’s only your way.
We need to challenge the notion that gender, especially transness, is something that can be neatly categorized or understood through a cisnormative lens. Gender is messy, complicated, and full of contradictions. That’s what makes it beautiful. Whether you transition medically, socially, or not at all, your identity is 100% legitimate. There is no rulebook. There’s no single path to transness, just as there’s no one way to be human. You get to decide what makes you feel good in your body and your life. No one else has that right.
This world will try to put you in a box and tell you to stay there. But that’s not what being trans is about. Being trans is about freedom—freedom to explore, to change, to become. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you present or how you choose to move through the world. Your body, your pronouns, your name—those are all for you to decide. Transness isn’t about fitting into someone else’s narrative. It’s about crafting your own, without shame or apology.
At the end of the day, there’s no test to prove you’re “trans enough.” Your transness is valid the second you declare it, and no one can take that from you. There’s no right or wrong way to be trans, no specific path you need to follow. There’s only your path, and you’re the only one who gets to walk it.