The Resurgence of Lavender Marriages: A Queer Strategy for Survival in Trump’s America

As anti-LGBTQ+ policies escalate, the revival of lavender marriages reveals the fragile state of queer rights in the U.S.

What Are Lavender Marriages—and Why Are They Back?

Lavender marriages, historically discreet unions between LGBTQ+ individuals and opposite-sex partners, emerged in the 20th century as a survival mechanism. At a time when being openly queer could cost jobs, social standing, or even one’s freedom, these arrangements provided protection under the guise of heterosexuality. From Hollywood icons to everyday individuals, lavender marriages allowed queer people to maintain public lives while preserving their privacy.

In 2024, these arrangements are making a quiet but significant comeback. But this time, they’re not merely about protecting reputations. Instead, lavender marriages are being reimagined as a legal and practical defence against the institutionalised homophobia and transphobia gaining traction in the United States. For many, they offer a bittersweet solution to an increasingly hostile political and social climate.¹ ² ³

The Perfect Storm for a Lavender Marriage Revival

To understand why lavender marriages are resurging, we must examine the broader socio-political conditions driving LGBTQ+ individuals toward these arrangements. This isn’t simply a throwback; it’s a desperate adaptation to survive systemic threats.

1. The Threat to Marriage Equality

While Obergefell v. Hodges—the ruling that legalized same-sex marriage in the U.S.—remains law, its stability is uncertain. Conservative Supreme Court Justices, including Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, have suggested revisiting the decision, framing marriage equality as a “states’ rights” issue. If overturned, thousands of same-sex couples could lose access to spousal protections like inheritance rights, healthcare benefits, and legal authority in medical emergencies. Lavender marriages between queer individuals and trusted allies of the opposite sex offer a safeguard against these potential losses. ⁴

2. Custody Battles and Family Law

Anti-LGBTQ+ legislation targeting queer families has proliferated. In Texas, lawmakers have introduced measures penalising parents who support gender-affirming care for their children. Similarly, Florida’s expanded “Don’t Say Gay” law casts queer parenting as inherently harmful, jeopardising custody rights. Lavender marriages with opposite-sex allies can provide queer parents with a veneer of traditionality, protecting them from these targeted attacks.

3. Weaponised Traditionalism

Far-right rhetoric glorifying the “nuclear family” isn’t just ideological—it’s legislative. Policies banning drag performances, restricting trans athletes, and censoring LGBTQ+ literature stem from an agenda to enforce rigid heteronormative and gender-conforming roles. Lavender marriages allow LGBTQ+ individuals to navigate these policies by appearing to conform to the traditional family model, even as they resist it privately.

Modern Lavender Marriages: Pragmatism Over Passion

Unlike their mid-century predecessors, today’s lavender marriages are often explicit agreements between queer individuals and their allies. These arrangements are pragmatic, designed to exploit legal loopholes in a system that increasingly marginalises LGBTQ+ relationships.⁵

Examples of How Lavender Marriages Are Used Today

Medical Protections: In states hostile to LGBTQ+ healthcare, marriage to a legal opposite-sex spouse can ensure access to benefits like health insurance and hospital visitation rights.
Financial Safeguards: Lavender marriages allow queer individuals to share assets, claim tax benefits, and secure inheritance rights otherwise threatened by discriminatory policies.
Parenting Solutions: Presenting as a heterosexual couple can shield queer parents from discriminatory custody challenges.
Workplace Discrimination: In regions without employment protections for LGBTQ+ individuals, a lavender marriage may help circumvent workplace biases tied to one’s sexual or gender identity.

Lavender marriages aren’t just a throwback to a bygone era—they’re a grim reflection of how fragile progress is for queer communities. In 2024, survival strategies once thought obsolete are becoming lifelines again, forcing us to ask: how much further will we have to retreat to protect what we’ve already fought so hard to gain?

The Cost of Survival: Cultural and Ethical Implications

Lavender marriages may offer safety, but they come with significant cultural and personal trade-offs. At their core, these arrangements represent a compromise of authenticity, forcing LGBTQ+ individuals to adapt to a system that marginalises their identities.

1. Visibility vs. Safety

The strength of the LGBTQ+ rights movement lies in visibility. From Stonewall to the fight for marriage equality, living openly has been a revolutionary act. Lavender marriages, while providing immediate safety, risk undermining this progress. They perpetuate the idea that queer lives must conform to heteronormative expectations, eroding hard-won gains in visibility and acceptance.

2. Emotional Strain

Even when built on trust, lavender marriages can place immense emotional strain on participants. Balancing the complexities of public performance, legal obligations, and personal relationships often creates unique challenges that take a toll on mental health and well-being.

3. A Step Back for Progress

The resurgence of lavender marriages underscores the fragility of LGBTQ+ rights. After decades of activism dismantling heteronormative structures, being forced to rely on these survival strategies feels like a regression—a reminder that progress is not linear but cyclical.

A Queer Community at a Crossroads

The revival of lavender marriages reveals the harsh reality facing LGBTQ+ individuals in the U.S.: even as queer communities have fought for equality, systemic discrimination continues to necessitate strategies that prioritise survival over liberation.

What Needs to Happen Next?

Federal Protections for LGBTQ+ Rights: Legislation like the Equality Act is critical to ensuring nationwide protections against discrimination in housing, healthcare, and employment.
Community Support Structures: LGBTQ+ organisations must provide legal resources and advocacy for queer families and couples navigating hostile environments.
Public Awareness Campaigns: Highlighting the return of lavender marriages as a symptom of systemic inequality could galvanise allies to resist discriminatory policies more forcefully.

Final Thoughts: The Resilience of Queer Survival

Lavender marriages are a bittersweet testament to the resilience of the queer community. They symbolise the lengths LGBTQ+ individuals will go to protect their rights, families, and futures—even when society is stacked against them. Yet their resurgence is also a sobering reminder of how much work remains to achieve true equality.

In a just society, queer individuals wouldn’t need lavender marriages to survive. But as long as the fight for LGBTQ+ rights continues, these arrangements serve as both a symbol of defiance and a painful reflection of the precariousness of progress. – TML